Are Your Blinders On?

by Dan on October 29, 2009

You meet some interesting people at the gym at 1:00 AM.

I was on the exercise bike when someone a few bikes away started up a conversation.  He said, “You ever notice the girls at the gym are all teases?  They check you out and give you the eye, but when you finally go up to them, they say they have boyfriends.”

I smiled and said, “Well they’re not giving me the eye, so it sounds like you’re ahead of me.”

The man was about forty pounds overweight, with bad posture, and a somewhat odd sounding voice.  I had a little trouble picturing women checking him out at the gym, but I didn’t give it much thought.

He mentioned he was going through his second divorce, and was re-entering the dating game.

I acknowledged that it could be a real challenge to get back into dating after spending so much time in the “permanent relationship” headspace.  I mentioned my friend DJ Fuji, a dating coach in San Diego.  His specialty is actually people who have either been out of the game for a quite a while, or have had a long time without a relationship and/or sexual partner.

I actually call him the “drought-ender,” because he’s notorious for taking a guy who’s not had sex in ten years, or even his whole life, and get him a girl within months of taking a one-on-one bootcamp with him.

I didn’t go into that much detail with the guy at the gym, of course, but did talk about my friend who helps with that kind of stuff, if he would be interested.

His reply was, “Oh no, man.  I have this area totally handled.  All these girls at work are hitting on me all the time but I’m too picky.”

I guess in some quantum parallel reality, someone like him could have an abundance of women trying to get a date with him, with him constantly blowing them off because his standards were so high, but I doubted that was the case here.  In general, a man who says out loud that he’s constantly being chased by women is usually in a pretty bad drought.  Looking at this guy, it seemed highly unlikely this would be his circumstance.

Now, is it possible he believes that he has his choice of women?  Yes, to some degree.  We all have blinders, to some extent, where we pretend reality is set up in such a way to feed our egos.

Other variations of this that men have in the dating scene are:

“I could get that girl if I wanted, but she’s a slut, so I’m not interested.”

“I could get laid every night if I just went after fat or ugly girls.”

“The girls in this town are just trashy/stupid/unsophisticated, so I don’t want anything to do with them.”

“I could, but I won’t,” is an excuse many people make because in reality, what’s really going on inside their heads is “I could fail at this, so I better not even try.”

These blinders can take place in business as well.

“The top salesmen/marketers here all use shady tactics, so I can’t compete with them if I’m honest.”

“I could afford a nice car, but material possessions don’t matter to me.” [Hint: The only time you ever hear the word “possessions” follow “material” is when someone is dead broke].

Take a look at what blinders you might be carrying.  We all have them, so be honest with yourself and take the time to reevaluate them.

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