Thanks to the readers of this blog, I was able to obtain a pass for this year’s Comic Con.  I was only able to go one day, but wanted to share some of the insights I got from this great event.  If you live anywhere near San Diego, I highly recommend you check out Comic Con.  It comes every July, and tickets sell out six months in advance, though there are some open seat sales just a week or so before the event.

One thing that’s really cool about Comic Con is the classes and workshops available.  One that I made sure I attended was “From Fan to Creator: Goal Setting for Creative Types,” featuring Doug Neff, proclaimed to be the “Tony Robbins for the Geeks.”   It’s definitely a much needed class for the Comic Con crowd.   Everyone could use some education in goal setting, but for the creative types, it’s even more important.

Comic-Con fans are known for their self-defining geekdom, but there’s a lot more to the crowd that will fly thousands of miles for this convention.  It’s a sea of dreamers.   They don’t just want to hear the backstory of why Wolverine’s costume changed over the years.  They want to be the professionals who decide what his next costume will look like… or draw it themselves.  Or maybe they want to write a screenplay or TV series.

But they don’t.

Year after year goes by and they keep dreaming.  I’d say it is better to at least dream and hope than to work at your 9 to 5 in a state of gray apathy, but why settle for just dreaming?

Some of the people in line for the class shared their stories with me:

“I can’t get enough discipline to actually work on the project.”

“I have this whole TV series in mind but can’t get the whole story fleshed out.”

“I have about a dozen potential stories in my head, and I don’t know which one to go with.”

That last one is a favorite for me, because I have the same syndrome.  One thing I do is put summaries of the potential stories in a Word document or online file, so I can save them to go back to later.  There’s a dozen or so paragraphs that summarize plot lines I’ve come up with.

Only recently have I started converting them into written, completed stories.  Some have been short ten-pagers, and one is being fleshed out into a screenplay as we speak.

Doug took us through a delightfully dorky power point presentation with plenty of metaphors from Star Trek, Batman, Superman, The Green Lantern, and Super Mario Brothers.    I was happy that I was at least “non-geeky” enough to not catch the Green Lantern villain references.

I’ll sum up the main points for you right here, which he calls the “Magic Coins” (each had a Super Mario Coin attached to it).

1.  There is no magic

In other words, the key to success is very pragmatic and simple.  You don’t need a special guru, or the right book, or any magic ritual.  All you need to do is take action and do the work required.  This was a statement I didn’t fully agree with, but it was a good start.

2 & 3.  Make your goal specific and make it measurable.

Doug gave us an analogy with Aladdin’s lamp.  He asked, “What happens if you rub a lamp?”  We answered, “A genie comes out!”

He then asked, “And what happens if you make a wish that’s really general and vague?”

Someone shouted, “The genie takes great delight in finding ways to screw you over!”

We all laughed, and I think this wasn’t exactly what Doug had in mind, but it worked.  If you make really general goals, you don’t really get what you want.

In fact, if you make vague, general goals, the genie usually doesn’t do ANYTHING.

Doug said:  “If you set a goal for ‘I want to lose weight,’ you’re automatically on the 60 year plan.”

He’s right.  Whether it’s more money, a smaller waistline, or a completed artistic project, you need your goals to be defined and measurable.  You need to know how it’ll look when you’re done.

Make your goal specific.  Make it a 6 issue comic series, a completed screenplay, a completed novel, or a 10 piece art portfolio that’s “review ready.”

4.  Make it Attainable

This one is pretty difficult.  After all, a lot of us creative types have dreams that include being selected by a top five media company for a national release.   Having a goal to complete a movie script, in a decent time frame, is attainable by anybody.  But what about the goal of selling your script to Warner Bros.?

When you need someone else’s approval to make your goal happen, you remove some of your power to achieve it. At the same time, you do want to actually sell your work.  So to help balance out the “outside approval” factor, I would at least make your end goal something that doesn’t depend on a single person or company.  So if you’re an inspiring hip hop artist, make your goal to secure a major label record deal, instead of to be signed to Aftermath Records, with Dr. Dre personally producing your album.

Also, if you haven’t finished your artistic project, don’t set a goal to sell it right away.  Instead set a goal to finish it, complete it, and then set a new goal to sell it.

5.  Get some Help

Doug had a great system for having a supportive team behind you and your goal.

The three people to have on your team are:

Coach: A task masker to make sure you’re up to date with your deadlines.  He (or she) will push you to keep going, even if you’re feeling down, and even if you’re ready to give up.  He’ll give you the motivating talk.

Cheerleader: I wish Doug had a more gender-neutral term for this, because no guy wants to be your explicit “cheerleader.”  If anyone has a suggestion for replacing this term, please let me know.  Anyway, the cheerleader is there to just purely support you.  He or she says “You can do it!” and reminds you of all your strengths and past successes.  You don’t get constructive feedback or a hard push from the cheerleader, just unbridled support.

Scorekeeper: This is someone who knows your dream industry well enough to let you know when you’re creating good work and when you’re creating utter crap.  Maybe it’s someone who’s sold a few screenplays already.  This person is not here to motivate you, but simply to give you guidance on where you are.

Doug said you have to make sure no one person take more than one role, especially if you’re married to one of them.

6.  One step at a time

This is an important part of the process a lot of people forget.  You can’t just write a novel.  You have to write it in segments.  If you’re not able to write chapter by chapter, do it page by page or number of words.  Set milestones for when each part has to be completed.

7 & 8. Play to your strengths and do your homework

In other words, know yourself and know your industry.  If you know you get your best work done right in the morning, do it then.  If you know you can’t work while you have your kids at home, get out of the house when you want to write.

At the same time, before you start a creative work, make sure you understand the submission process for your industry.  You’re asking for a headache (and heartbreak), if you write an episode of a TV series to submit to a studio, and then realize that because of legal considerations, they do not accept submissions that use their own characters.

9.  Know your Nemesis.

I liked this point and strongly disliked it at the same time.

In comic and story-telling terms, a nemesis is the superhero’s enemy that’s dedicated to destroying him and all his pursuits.  Doug’s nemesis to him completing his goals is his Tivo.  Other nemeses include video games, alcohol, surfing the net, and any other distraction that sucks your time and energy.

Doug took an “Alcoholics Anonymous” approach and said that your Nemesis will never die.  Just like in the comics, he’ll always be there to get in your way and it’s a constant battle you have to keep going against.

I believe it’s important to know your weaknesses, but I think it’s completely different (and harmful) to immortalize them.  I think it’s very possible that with the right discipline and inner game processes that you can completely eliminate addictions and distractions that are in your way.

I did really like that in the worksheet Doug gave us, he had a space for “This is how I will defeat my Nemesis.”  Maybe you set a time for when you can watch TV, or when you can’t.  Maybe you make a deal with yourself that you have to have 100% of your work done for the week before you can have a drink.  Having rules for yourself on your time-wasters is very helpful.

10.  Never ever ever give up.

This last point I strongly disagreed with as well.  I think Doug is under the assumption that whatever dream we have in mind is appropriate enough that we should never give ourselves permission to drop it.

Doug did at least give us a lot of mobility to “renegotiate” our goal down the line, such as if the time limit is too close, or if our goal becomes unrealistic once we investigate the industry more.

However, I think it’s also quite possible you could realize that your goal might not be worth the headache even if you can do it with a large amount of effort.  You can easily get stuck in an ego-driven mode of pursuing something that you know deep down will not fulfill you, and that’s not a good place to be.

Overall, I really enjoyed the value Doug Neff brought to the table with the presentation.  I’ve asked for his permission to upload his really cool Goal Worksheet, and will find out when he’s next on schedule to speak.

Ok, now putting this into action:

My Goal:  Finish Writing My Screen Play in 6 months.

I will finish the screenplay by: March 23, 2011.

The Steps I Will Take to Reach This Goal:  Writing 833 words a week. (I got this number by dividing 20,000 words by 24 weeks)

My Nemesis for This Goal:  Forgetting or procrastinating the work.

How I Will Defeat The Nemesis:  I will set my Google Calendar to ongoingly remind me of my 833 word deadlines each week.

And… I have some people in mind for the Coach, Cheerleader and Scorekeeper.

It really is as simple as that.  Doug also suggests you draw a picture of your Goal, and write down what it will look like.  I’ll get into some cool visualization stuff that will work along with this system, very soon.

Thanks to Comic Con staff for letting me cover the event!

–Dan

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I suppose I should give James Arthur Ray some royalties if this blog ever starts bringing in the big bucks.  He’s been a rather large source of content since the Sedona sweat lodge incident, and even before then, when I saw him give a speech.

An interesting news story circulated this week, regarding the case.  As you may have read, James Ray is being held on $5 million bail.

If you’re like me, you were expecting he’d just plop it down and have some relaxation on the Carlsbad, California beach while preparing for his trial.  After all, he owns a $4 million house, sells tons of products, and holds very lucrative seminars at close to $10,000 a head.

Not so much.

According to the recent news reports, http://ktar.com/?nid=6&sid=1265206, James Ray actually has a negative net worth of $4.2 million.  Considering how many assets he owns and how much money he has coming in, this means he must be in a crushing amount of debt.

I know there’s the possibility he’s actually much richer than this and is hiding his assets from a slew of incoming lawsuits, but let’s put that issue aside for now.  Let’s assume he’s telling the truth.

If he really is millions of dollars in debt, does that mean he was lying about his wealth?  After all, he did regularly use his money as a credibility point in his seminars and products.

When discussing another speaker on The Secret at the free talk I attended, he said “This guy was talking about how great it was that he could manifest a parking spot on demand.  Really… parking spots?  I have a $4 million house!”

I thought at the time he was just mentioning his house on the fly, but it turns out he was telling just about everyone and their mothers about his new crib.

Additionally, he was proud to mention his inclusion in the Inc. 500, as well as his company’s annual revenue of $10 million.  http://www.inc.com/inc5000/2009/company-profile.html?id=200904790

Now he’s in handcuffs and not only is the (admittedly large) bail too much for him to pay, but his lawyers are saying, “Despite misconceptions perpetrated in the media, Mr. Ray is not a man of significant assets and certainly not the millions reported in the press.”

It seems very contradictory, of course, but I’m going to suggest you consider an alternative: that he’s broke AND rich at the same time.

How is that possible?

The more you get into the business world, the more you see that wealth is not so easily definable.  It’s not “How much money do you make?” or even “How much money do you have?”

Wealth comes in three dimensions:

1.    Net Worth
2.    Cash Flow Amount (or Income)
3.    Cash Flow Automation

James Ray’s lawyers are, for the benefit of their client, defining wealth by Number 1.  If you look at how much money James Ray has and subtract from it how much he owes, he’s clearly one of the poorest people in the United States.

Donald Trump was once $1 billion in personal debt.  It wasn’t his company in debt, but his personal debt to creditors.  A story of his is how during this hard time, he walked by a homeless person and thought “This man is $1 billion richer than I am.”

If you didn’t feel compelled to pity Mr. Trump in that story, you’re not alone.  The fact is that while on paper he was broke, he still had a ton of toys and money in the bank to use for whatever he wanted.  He didn’t have to live in a tiny apartment in the ghetto or switch to eating top ramen at night.

The same is with James Ray.  How can you be broke and still have money to spend?

Cash flow.

If you have money coming in on a regular basis, you can still maintain your lifestyle.  It’s why young lawyers can be $100k in debt in student loans and still live in the nice part of New York City.

In fact, I’d say wealth is important ONLY in how it affects your lifestyle.  I don’t think debt is a good thing to build up, but the fact is that utilizing debt, while having enough cash flow coming in can allow you to live as a richer person than your bank statement would say.  If you’re not stressed from the debt and not being irresponsible to the point that it’ll catch up with you, there really is no functional difference.

When someone leases a car to you, sells a TV, or rents a house out, all they care is if you’ll be able to pay the bill on time (or if they’re a Credit Card company, they actually hope you won’t).  Money coming in consistently gives you all the credibility you need when making a purchase.

There is a third dimension of wealth that most people overlook, which is the automation of the cash flow.  James Ray is quickly finding out how easily your income can stop once you’re unable to personally run your business.  While Ray probably does make a good deal of money off his products and book sales, I’m betting most of his revenue comes from his live events.  In a typical year, he’s on the road almost every week, teaching his philosophy to large groups of people paying $800 each, and small groups of people paying $10,000 each.

That’s tough to do behind bars.

This example is actually a bit tainted because there’s such a stigma attached to his inactivity that his product sales will, no doubt, decline.

Let’s say he was hospitalized from a skiing accident instead, and couldn’t go on the road.  His product sales would now be the main source of revenue.  Depending on what percentage of his income the products brought in, he could actually be ok.  This is because product sales can be automated, with Ray not being there.

The third dimension of wealth, automation, is becoming more talked about lately.  Tim Ferris wrote a great book called the “Four Hour Workweek,” in which he discusses the ways of automating your income so you can take long vacations, or simply just expand your free time.

There are few things more liberating than knowing that no matter what happens to you, your money will still come in.  The main ways it can work this way is for artistic royalties, hands-off businesses, or investments.  It’s an issue that really paints how “rich” doctors, lawyers and executives actually are slaves to their salaries or contracts.  If a doctor stops operating, the money stops.  In fact, for much of a doctor or lawyer’s career, if he decides he wants to work 40 hours a week instead of 60-80, he could be out of a job altogether.  If you’re on a salary AT ALL, then no matter how much money you’re making, it still stops the moment you leave the job.

Of course, you can use these jobs to build enough net worth to put into hands-off businesses and investments that WILL bring you the passive income.

Ideally, you’ll be rich in all three areas.  To be honest, having $50,000 coming in a year with no work sounds better than $100,000 coming in a year with a full work week.  You have to pick what your priorities are.  Just make sure to not get hung up on any one aspect of wealth as you increase your money power.

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I’ve been wanting to write about this subject for a while.

I have a strong opinionated friend who’s been meaning to get into the blogosphere and speak his mind.  He’s got a lot to say, and has some very unique reference experience that would make his viewpoint very valuable.

So why is he not blogging?

It’s not laziness, success barriers, or deservedness issues.  This time it’s something simple:  reputation protection.

“If I start writing about something too controversial, and the public doesn’t like it, my reputation is ruined.  I won’t be able to find a job and will be outcast socially.”

These thoughts are not illogical, and certainly not uncommon.  In fact, they’re even partially true.

However, the idea of actually ruining your reputation is scarcely a threat.   Let me explain why:

1)    Reputation is Niche-Specific

Your reputation management depends precisely on what your goals are.  If you want to succeed in a bureaucracy like the District Attorney’s Office, the public school system, the FBI, or a Fortune 500 company, then yes, your reputation does matter.  Because bureaucratic organizations are so large and extensive, each individual member has strikingly small power to make a difference.  This leads to one thing:  RULES.  Hard and fast, the organization is loaded with red tape.  If you have a marijuana conviction, you’re out.  If there’s a sexual harassment complaint out of the office, you’re out.

Anyone out of those organizations, however, knows that the rules are much more flexible in smaller entities.  There might not be a drug test, and even if you have a recent murder conviction, the CEO can make a judgment call to hire you.

And we all hear cases of unpunished scandal.  If you are well liked enough, there’s enough wiggle room to get through it.

Now, as I was alluding to before, what are your goals?  If it’s to be rich, powerful, and well liked, then there’s very little you can do to ruin it.  Oh you can be blackballed from plenty of organizations, but if you are good at what you do, there will always be someone welcoming you with open arms.

This brings me to my second point:

2)    Value Overrides All

It works in dating, business, friendship, and just about anything else.  If you are bringing enough value to the table, there’s little that can’t be forgiven,

[Mild Avatar Spoiler Alert]

One of my favorite scenes in Avatar is when Jake Sully makes his return to Pandora to reconcile with the Na’vi.  They have lost all faith in him, as he has not been truthful with them, and has led to them being in danger of total destruction.  Even his girlfriend Neytiri is done with him

How does he solve this?

He rides in on a red dragon named Toruk.

That’s it.

No explanation, but all is forgiven.  Neytiri is back in his arms, and it’s all well and good.

Call it aggravating as a plot device, but it sure as hell is realistic.  No matter what you’ve done, if you can ride a red dragon no one else can tame, then you’re someone that’s wanted.  Neytiri no doubt knew that the rest of the women would be enthralled to take the Toruk rider if she wasn’t down for Sully anymore.

[End Spoiler]

Do we have real life Toruks?  Yes.

• Michael Jackson was widely considered to be a child molester, yet still sold millions of albums after the scandal.  In fact, his Neverland Ranch for children still had customers!  If you’re the King of Pop, there’s a lot you can get away with.
• Kevin Trudeau has served jail time for credit card scams and identity theft.  He’s also been fined many times for fraudulently promoting supplements, as well as selling customer information to junk mailers and blatantly lying about his products on the air.  However, he still makes millions of dollars off his books, and is not at a loss for supporters.
• Ann Coulter publicly declares evolution to be a liberal conspiracy to remove God from America. She has been caught lying numerous times (Go to Borders and read her Slander book next to Al Franken’s Lies and the Lying Liars who Tell Them, and see for yourself.)  If she’s backed into a corner for saying something offensive, she’s known to respond with nonsensical answers, such as “The word ‘faggot’ isn’t offensive to gays.”  She’s been dropped by several publications for her behavior.  Even with this, she can book herself solid for both publications and speaking engagements years in advance.
• David Icke is a conspiracy theorist who claims the world is secretly run by shapeshifting lizards from the constellation Draco (including George W. Bush).  He still sells tons of books, and has a large following of supporters and listeners.

Check out the Wikipedia entries for any of these characters.  There are cited sources for all of these allegations.

My point here is that as long as you confidently stand your ground and can make people money, or simply provide a service someone is looking for, your reputation is a non-issue.  Maybe 88%  of the world thinks you’re a sick jackass, and 11% doesn’t know you exist.  That remaining 1% can still fill your pocketbooks and provide you a free place to stay in any major city in the world.

Are there people ruined by reputational errors?  Of course.  O.J. Simpson’s popularity has never recovered.  It’s tough to get off the hook for (allegedly) murdering your ex-wife.

Ted Haggard is another man ruined by public exposure.  However, I think had his choices been different, he still would have been successful, in at least some area.  As I’ve said reputation is niche specific.  If you’re a man of the church and caught sleeping with other men, then your time at the pulpit is over, at least in conservative circles.  However, once he was exposed, he could have said “You know what, I’m proud of what I did.  I think homosexuality is approved by God and even supported by the New Testament!”  From there on, liberal Christians who want to believe that homosexuality is compatible with the Bible would treat him as a hero.

Note that I don’t think that imagined quote makes much sense, nor would this be an easy transition to make.  However, I do think his public image could have been salvaged.  His problem was that he admitted his errors and sought forgiveness and redemption for betraying his community.  If you want to transcend reputation, you can’t be intimidated by public disapproval, which he most certainly was.

In the end, as long as you’re good at what you do, and say what you believe in, you can rest assured that your life will be fine regardless of public scrutiny.  If you’re an obvious charlatan, then well, make sure you’re extremely talented.

–Dan

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I think I’ve mentioned him a few times on this blog before, but I wanted to take a post to officially extend my recommendation for this speaker and author  His name is Osho, and his writings have a unique power I have yet to see replicated from another author.  He’s rather unconventional in his presentation, and that’s what makes him unique.  Think a dark side version of Paramahansa Yogananda (Autobiography of a Yogi), or Eckhart Tolle.

Osho’s writings are confrontational, radical, and provocative.  No matter what spiritual or non-spiritual belief you take, he will attack your belief system.  The book I’m reading now, The God Conspiracy, has as its introduction him explaining why people who believe in God are idiots, and how Atheists are idiots as well.  Are you a moderate who believes in a universal energy and reincarnation?  Then you’re an idiot too.

Your response is, “Wait… what?”

Osho is a clean break from depending on other people for your beliefs.  While there are many speakers like T. Harv Eker and Lester Levenson who say “Don’t believe a word I say,” Osho takes it to the extreme.

He will intentionally contradict himself for the sole purpose of making you doubt him.  At one speaking engagement, he’ll tell a gay man to cure himself of his desires because homosexuality is a disease of the mind.  In another speech, he’ll say homosexuality is a perfectly natural way of being.  His followers are constantly befuddled by these contradictions.

You don’t know whether he’s telling you wisdom or lies when he talks, so you have no choice but to take everything he says with intention to check it out for yourself.

There’s an old Zen story about a Master who calls his student into the room.  The Zen master says “Tell me about reality.”  The student says “Reality is an illusion.  There are no objects, and there are no people.  There is no Buddha or student.  There is only nothingness and totality at once.”  The master hits the student in the head hard with his cane and says, “If there are no objects, what hit you?”

Osho is the verbal equivalent of the Zen master who will beat you if he senses you’re trusting in blind faith instead of verifying for yourself.    It is this quality that makes him probably the best instructor for spirituality and self development.  He forces you to challenge your beliefs about the world, yourself, and even what he teaches you.

The man was deported from the US, and refused entry in about 100 countries, from what I’ve read.  He had a cult-like commune in the US which had corruption and assassination plots associated with it.  His whole life was surrounded by controversy, and you can discover a million reasons to discredit him, if you choose to.  However, his content stands up against everything else.  Honestly, I’m glad he’s dead so I have no chance to join his cult.

I believe most or all of his books are his speeches put to print, but the publishers have done an amazing editing job so if you didn’t know otherwise, you’d assume, they were originally in book form.

If you look in Borders, you’ll probably want to take 10 books of him home at once, but I recommend at the top of the list The God Conspiracy, Meditation: The First and Last Freedom, The Book of Secrets, The Book of Wisdom, and The Mustard Seed.

I suggest you avoid the books in white covering general topics like Courage, Intuition, Joy, etc.  Those are good but his real power comes from when he’s giving commentary on a specific guru or text.  Also, while there are plenty of audios of him, his Indian accent can make him hard to understand, so I’d skip those too.

He won’t convert you to anything “New Age,”, and he doesn’t believe in miracles (or does he?), from what I have read.  He’s basically a reality melter for you, no matter where you’re coming from.

If I could sum up Osho’s way of guidance in a few sentences, it would be this:

You’re flailing about the ocean, looking for a belief system to hang on to, because ambiguity is so scary.   Osho throws you pieces of driftwood that you cling to, and after a moment of security, they each disintegrate in your hands.

Instead you float.  You float freely, and for the first time, you feel completely safe not knowing or believing anything.  You just are, and whatever you do is fine, because it’s what you want to do for the moment.

–Dan

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Earlier this year,  I talked about how poll results can be manipulated based on word choice.  Recently, I was reading about the same-sex marriage debate, and found that one organization was doing the word-spinning quite well, and was even proud to reveal its results.

The National Organization for Marriage (NOM), has gotten some public spotlight for their video advertisement “The Gathering Storm.”  To most liberals, and many moderates, the video looks laughable in it’s implication that the United States as we know it will forever be lost, as heterosexuals lose their rights while gays gain their own.  To conservatives against gay marriage, though, this could be convincing.

***

The following is taken from NationForMarriage.org – Marriage Talking Points

I. THE MOST EFFECTIVE SINGLE SENTENCE:

Extensive and repeated polling agrees that the single most effective message is:

“Gays and Lesbians have a right to live as they choose,
they don’t have the right to redefine marriage for all of us.”

This allows people to express support for tolerance while opposing gay marriage. Some modify it to “People have a right to live as they choose, they don’t have the right to redefine marriage for all of us.”

Language to avoid at all costs: “Ban same-sex marriage.” Our base loves this wording. So do supporters of SSM. They know it causes us to lose about ten percentage points in polls. Don’t use it. Say we’re against “redefining marriage” or in favor or “marriage as the union of husband and wife” NEVER “banning same-sex marriage.”

***

Notice that the activist organization is openly using polls to see what will convince people to support the gay marriage ban.

The conservative base has risen to the challenge of avoiding negative terminology in their initiatives.  Instead of “Anti-Abortion,” they’re “Pro-Life.”  After all, who could be against life?  Of course, the liberal base has to do the same with “Pro-Choice” instead of “Pro-Abortion.”  The conservatives definitely won the round for that one.

In terms of how to talk about being against same-sex marriage, it has proven difficult to use terms like “Pro-Family” and “Pro-Traditional Marriage,” as they are either too vague or too awkward.

In being forced to choose a negative wording, NOM has been creative in rephrasing the issue.  Instead of saying they’re against the rights of a minority group, they’re saying they’re against the threat against us, the majority.

How would you answer the question, “Are you in favor the government redefining the definition of your marriage?”

Phrased like that, you’d have to be very astute to not resist such a notion.  Even if it’s simply some words being changed around the law books, with no affect on your life whatsoever, it just FEELS invasive.  The question makes the hair stand up on my neck as well.

It’s similar to a poll on Facebook this past year: “Should Obama be allowed to speak nationwide to schoolchildren without parental consent?”  Attach “without parental consent” to the end of any question, and you’re bound to bring out a massive fury from anyone who has a son or daughter.

Notice that NOM isn’t disagreeing with the claim that they’re trying to ban gay marriage.  They’re simply suggesting their supporters change around the wording to hit the emotions of the undecided.

The interesting fact is that the threat from “redefining marriage” is so made-up that one couldn’t even articulate what it is.  Forget questions of tax-exemption and education.  If the word marriage is “redefined for you and your children,” what does it mean?

I suppose it’s similar to the idea of “full time employee” being redefined.  If suddenly someone with a 30 hour workweek is called fulltime, your working status has a new definition that you and your children will have to live with.   Even “redefined” sounds overreaching, since more people are included in your definition; that’s it.

I don’t want to get too political on this blog, but my goal in sharing this is to help readers, regardless of political orientation, stay independent of manipulative word choice.  And yes, this happens on the liberal side as well.  Check out Glenn Beck’s An Inconvenient Book, to see a conservative perspective.

I also recommend you read Words that Work by Frank Luntz.  He actually has managed campaigns for politicians and is an expert on word phrasings that win (or lose) elections.

When you hear a political question that makes you feel uncomfortable, or even afraid, take a step back and ask yourself if the question being phrased differently would change (or even reverse) your reaction to it.

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I’m on a productivity kick lately, thanks to my revisited practice of cutting escapes out.  I’ve gained some real momentum back, so it’s becoming much easier to prioritize activities, and get into that “flow” state.

In terms of deciding what action to take at any given moment, I focus on two focal points:  Peace and Productivity.  If what I’m planning to do is not in the name of either (usually an Escape), then I do something else.

For example, right now I’m typing up a blog post while I’m totally in the “zone.”  It’s productivity in its purest form.  Earlier today, I was doing some releasing, and meditating.  That’s in the name of peace.

I’m writing this on a Saturday night, and around this time is usually when I go out with friends to the bars.  Right now, I know I’m more productive improving the blog, as well as taking care of other business initiatives I have.  I also know that in the current state I have, the bars will not bring me extra peace tonight.  Therefore, I’m passing on a social night out.

On another night, it would make perfect sense for me to go out and have a fun night on the town. Socializing is impossible to categorize.  It can easily fall into productivity, peace or escaping.  It all depends on when and why you’re doing it.  From how I’m feeling tonight, I know going out to be social would just be an escape from what’s important in the present.  Another night, it could be a great opportunity to expand my social circle, or to just simply feel the love in the room.

The gym is a melding of productivity and peace.  When you exercise, you get stress out, while improving your body’s aesthetics and health.  Of course, you could be excessive with the gym as well, but as long as you aren’t there for hours and hours on end, you’re doing ok.

When you’re focused on being productive, make sure that you don’t fell into the traps of “creative avoidance.”  Creative avoidance is when you find things to do under the guise of productivity that just suck time up.  Examples of this include spending excessive time on reading work emails, or adding the 48th so-called time saving gadget to your iPhone.  Usually people who get caught up in these behaviors have subconscious blocks to prosperity.  After all, they’re sacrificing plenty of their personal time in the name of wealth, yet are not hitting the key activities that would get them there.

Try seeing what “themes” your activities fall into, and let me know what comes up.

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I saw the movie Legion alone.  Yes, I admit it.  It wasn’t because I had to see it for a school project due the next day.  And it wasn’t because I had already bought tickets, and my friend cancelled at the last minute. I simply could not find someone to go see it with.

This has happened with a couple events recently.  I went solo to the No Doubt and Judas Priest concerts, and if I’m in a social mood but my friends are staying in, I might go to the bar alone and make friends while I’m there.

What goes through your head when you hear of someone doing things like this?  More to the point, what does it feel like when you imagine yourself doing things like this?

For me, it brings up the image of someone sitting alone in a middle school cafeteria.  If you’re sitting alone during lunch time, it’s a mark of unpopularity.  It can be embarrassing, or even downright humiliating.

A good friend of mine says she loves going to the movies alone.  It’s her time to herself.

My friend DJ Fuji, a dating coach, says he likes going to bars alone, because he can practice meeting women without the distraction of other guys around.

Having a functional reason for being by yourself, or even a personal preference, can lighten the stigma, but what about if you’d actually prefer to have others with you for the event you have in mind?

The vast majority of people will not go to an event if they can’t find a friend to share the activity.  I’m not judging it, but that’s just the way it is.  I doubt I’m the only person who couldn’t find someone else dumb enough to sit through the crap that is Legion, but I am one of the few people that decided to go anyway.

There is subtle benefit on your ego for not doing activities solo.  Anytime you go do something alone that you wanted company for, you are validating that you’ve been, in a sense, rejected.  If you don’t go to the event, the rejection still happened, but you can sweep it under the rug.  If you really want French toast at Denny’s but can’t find a buddy for it, you can just watch TV at home, and it will look to the outside world and to your ego like the meal wasn’t a big deal to you.

But if you actually go to the restaurant alone, you’re making it very clear that you really did want Denny’s, and were incapable of finding someone to join you.  It is a failure, in sense.  It’s not something that you should beat yourself up over, or even feel disappointed about, but it is a time when you clearly did not succeed socially.

I suppose it’s similar to the fear we have in asking for a date someone we just met at the store.  As long as we don’t push for the phone number, we can pretend to ourselves that that person wasn’t really our type.  Once we ask though, it’s clear you’ve been rejected.

That being said, you don’t neutralize the failure by not going out when you can’t find a companion.  Since the damage is done, you might as well go.

Now there is something to be said for not going to something alone if you don’t think you’ll enjoy yourself there.  I don’t go on travel vactions alone, simply because for me, it’s not much fun if there’s no one to share the experience with.  I admire people who can do this, however.

It is important to check in whether your discomfort in doing something alone is because the experience requires company, or simply because you feel ashamed to go alone.  If it’s out of embarrassment, either to your self-judgments, or to others at the event, just let it go.

I can tell you that there have been times when I’ve gone to a bar by myself and people are actually in awe that I was willing to go out alone and socialize without a safety pad of friends to walk back to if a conversation did not go well.  Many people wish they had the confidence to fly solo.

Also, check in to see if you’re comfortable alone in general.  It’s very healthy to be able to enjoy your own company no matter where you are.  A sign of inner peace is feeling complete in yourself, without needing a companion for everything.  Plus, it is definitely nice to know you aren’t dependent on your social circle for your desired activities.  If there’s something you want to do, it’s great to fly with the pack, but try cultivating your power to fly solo, as well.

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It’s a little odd seeing James Ray walk around in handcuffs and an orange jumpsuit.  When I saw him speak this past summer, he was standing tall, proud, and full of confidence that he was on the way to the top.

There’s some definite discomfort for the New Age community to see him fall, even if for a moment.  He was a prominent speaker in the movie “The Secret,” and featured on Oprah several times.  Some fundamentalist Christians have taken this opportunity to criticize Oprah for this, as if she is responsible for promoting someone who would sometime in the future cause some deaths no one saw coming.

When someone on top slips down, it’s when all the spectators of the world can become psychologists for the stars.  People that have never dared to put themselves in the public spotlight can theorize on why someone so rich and powerful could be empty inside enough to blah blah blah…

As an example, if you’ve even hinted about why Tiger Woods would cheat on his wife, you’re definitely in this category.  In your luxury of being out of the public eye, you take the arrogance to assume you know the motivations of someone you don’t know, which gives you the satisfaction of thinking you’re better in some way.

Because of this, I’m not going to share in the theories of what caused James Ray to lose his edge.  Note that I am agreeing that he DID lose his edge, but the best I can do is point out when, not why or how.

Some say that his success from being featured in The Secret swelled his ego, and made him feel invincible.  This would make the situation far easier for us to understand and learn from, right?  If you want an excuse to not pursue fame, you can justify that it leads to ruin. If you are courageous enough to pursue fame, you can treat it as a lesson to keep yourself grounded and ignore the hype.

I don’t think it’s that simple in this case.

I’ve listened to or read at least some of every James Ray product, and the change in him, at least in his products, came well before The Secret.

If you listen to the Science of Success product, it is simply great.  It reminds me of Tony Robbins in his prime, only more spiritual.  James Ray lends a motivating yet loving voice to gently prod you towards achieving your goals.  There’s a spiritual side to the recording, but Ray always makes it very clear you must take massive action to go towards your goals.  It’s almost a perfect balance between the ideas of spiritual manifesting and personal productivity.

If you listen to the “Science of Success” and implement the ideas exactly as James Ray recommends, and even take the seemingly excessive task he advises of listening to each CD over and over again for one week each, you WILL achieve your goals.

What’s more, there’s a humility in Ray’s tone, despite the irony that he’s telling you he knows all the laws of the universe.

I didn’t implement the program to the maximum extent, but I can vouch that when I began following what he said to the letter, things immediately began to change in the outside world for me.

After Science of Success, he wrote Practical Spirituality, which I didn’t read, but which was written early enough to capture some of the same magic.

And unfortunately, this is about where it stops for the glory days of James Ray.

Post Science of Success, Ray completed his next audio package, Million Dollar Mindset (released 2005, according to Amazon.com).  The ideas are still very solid in this recording, but there is a very noticeable change in James Ray’s tone, as well as his language.  Where once he was describing the laws of the universe in an amazingly humble fashion, he is now explicitly telling us how much he knows better than us.

There’s a common, almost cliché, phrase among self-help gurus, “Don’t believe a word I say.”  They tell you to take everything they say for checking and see if it works in your own life before believing it.  Some gurus seem to mean it more than others.  Ray doesn’t even pretend that’s what he thinks.

A quote from the first CD: “If there’s something I say, and you don’t believe it, listen to the recording again and again until it makes sense.”

Another stunning statement is when he says, “If a teacher says you can’t know the ways of the Universe, run the other way.  Any good teacher should know the laws of how the world works.”

It’s almost the polar opposite to Wayne Dyer encouraging us to embrace bewilderment in how the universe is run.  It’s here where Ray’s arrogance is on full display, and it’s not even a delusional pride in himself.  It’s a very pained conceit, and you can tell he’s not happy as he speaks these words.

Looking through his Harmonic Wealth book, and seeing him speak this past year, I saw the same thing in his words and on his face, pained arrogance.  It’s difficult to say “disregard everything after Science of Success,” because I’ve found little in terms of content that I actually disagree with in his later works.  His ideas are still very good, but I still question whether it’s good idea to listen to instructions on how to live your life from someone in such a negative state.

What’s more, as we see James Ray at risk for up to 36 years in prison, these visuals and newspaper headlines can taint our experience with the gold that is him in his prime.

For people that feel that way, I can offer a superb, possibly better alternative:  Bob Proctor.

Bob Proctor was actually James Ray’s mentor, and while he does not always have positive reviews of his off-stage personality (who does?), in his products, his kind tone and care for his students never wavers.  He puts forth the same principles that Ray does, and explains them just as well or better.

His two big opuses are:

You Were Born Rich – Audio/DVD Set

Science of Getting Rich Home Study Course

Both of these are excellent.  If I had to pick one, I’d say start with the audios of the Science of Getting Rich course.  It has Jack Canfield and Michael Beckwith featured as well, but they say very little.  It’s Proctor’s show.

I’d say that Bob Proctor’s material brings you the simplest, no nonsense way of attaining riches of any gurus out there, including the Release Technique.  The reason I favor releasing for myself is that there’s a far greater spiritual component, which is important to me.

The way I could explain it is that assuming the New Age/Buddhist/Eastern view is correct, releasing will take you to both riches and to final enlightenment.  The Science of Getting Rich will take you as far as you possibly can without actually being enlightened, but if there’s reincarnation, you will be coming back.

As for the fate of James Ray, let’s just hope the courts do a good job of figuring out what to do with him.  If he’s as in control of the laws of the universe as he says he is, then he should get off scot free, and be back to his millions in no time.  If that happens, then maybe I’ll reconsider this article and suggest you buy everything he has.   Until then, go by my previous recommendations.

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The road to success and enlightenment is not a continuous stream of progress.  We have bursts of momentum filled sprints, and sometimes it can feel like we’re at a plateau, or even a full stop.  Sometimes it can even feel like we’ve lost so much of the ground we’ve covered.

It’s times like this when it’s good to check in with yourself and see if something is in the way.  It could be as simple as a cluttered room, or a bad relationship.  Often it’s something deeper, or you’re simply just scattered.

When I’ve hit the bottom pit of apathy, I know it’s time to cut out my “escapes” for a period of time.  I talked about this in detail in the post Cutting the Crap from Your Life.  I described how six weeks without movies/tv, alcohol, instant messaging, or music was so powerful.

Today I’m going to talk specifically about the relationship between cutting out escapes and your personal productivity.

There’s some bizarre phenomenon in humans where we can feel extremely negative about something very fixable, for long periods of time, while doing nothing to fix it.

“I hate how dry my skin is.”

“I hate how dirty my apartment is.”

“I hate that my car stereo doesn’t work.”

The answer to all of these is pretty straightforward.  For the first problem, you buy moisturizer.  If that doesn’t work, you see a dietitian or simply google “foods that moisturize skin” (hint, usually omega-6’s and 3’s do the trick).  If that doesn’t work, you see a dermatologist.   For that matter, how many problems do you have right now you’ve never even entered into a search engine?

If your apartment is dirty, you vacuum it and take a few hours to clean up.  Maybe you hire a maid.

If your car stereo is broken, you buy a new one, or take it in to get fixed.

If these answers are so straightforward, why do we let uncomfortable situations like this go on for months or even years on end?

I think your escapes are where you go wrong.  What exactly are escapes?

I define them as whatever takes you away from your present life situation.  The movie takes you from your world to another.  The music in your car takes you away from the reality of you, by yourself, staring at the road in front of you while your tires burn against the pavement.  The instant messaging on Facebook takes you away from you sitting in your apartment by yourself.

This is not to say these are bad, or that they should be completely obliterated from your life, anymore than chocolate should.

The problem sets in when you begin to depend on the escapes to keep you from your anguish, where if you were alone in your thoughts, your misery would meet you face to face, with you not being ready.

If you don’t think this is an issue, take a look at if you’ve been profoundly unproductive in areas you have set specific goals for in the past.  If you’re not making progress in your desired areas of achievement, that’s another huge sign that escapes are dominating your life.

Now what happens if you take them away?

Your mind suddenly has far fewer options to escape your suppressed emotions.  Now your time to meditate, do Release Technique, or EFT has really opened up.

The funny thing that happens is that your mind still does not want to face the baggage that comes up.  So if you’re not meditating, but can’t watch TV, listen to music, or even goof off on the internet, then what’s left?

Suddenly cleaning your apartment doesn’t look so painful.  After all, it keeps you busy, taking you away from your thoughts.  However, there’s only so much cleaning you can do, before your apartment looks beautiful.  What’s next?

Somehow you don’t really need to talk yourself into going to the gym either.  In fact, you may even find yourself going twice a day, with the energy starting to bubble up inside you.

That home business you wanted to start?  The novel you were writing that never got past chapter 3?  Those all become automatically enticing as de facto escapes.

Oh you do get the meditation in, the releasing, and any other spiritual or self-development practice you wanted to do, but hand in hand comes the productivity in your external life.

Your mind needs occupation like your body needs calories.   If you feed your body excess junk food over what your body needs, then you will never lose body fat.  When you cut out the extra calories you were putting in, your body senses the deficit in what you were eating and turns to eating up what’s left around: your pot belly.

Similarly, when your mind feels the deficit in distractions available, it seeks to occupy itself with the default: projects you actually need completed in your life.  The mind will give you all the motivation you need to get rich, get healthy, and socially popular.  You find a huge spurt in momentum in everything you do, and it’s extremely powerful.

Now how do you go about doing this?  If you already have a spiritual practice available, such as meditation, EFT, or releasing, I’d say cut out all you possibly can and deal with the uprising negativity as it comes up.

If you don’t have a way of dealing with these problematic emotions, then take it a little slower, and cut out some big ones, preferably in the same central system.  Make sure you won’t be able to easily substitute one escape with another.  If you’re addicted to watching TV, cut out movies too so you’re not watching videos daily instead.  If you’re addicted to the videogame Counterstrike, cut out all non-essential websurfing, blog reading, and instant messaging, as well.  A computer with an internet connection is a Pandora’s Box of time wasting.

When cutting out escapes, treat the computer like McDonald’s.  Anything you would actually go there to eat probably isn’t good for you.  The acceptable stuff is what you had to eye the nutrition information poster to eat, such as a grilled chicken salad, because the only reason you’re there is because your stoner buddies refuse to eat anywhere else.  So if there’s a blog you rationalize as helpful to your job, be honest if that blog is the cheeseburger or the salad.

I suggest you read up on Steve Pavlina’s blog about his 30 Day Challenges too, because he goes into a lot of this stuff as well.

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“So what kind of internet marketing do you do?”  Brian, the 22 year old college student said to me at the coffee shop.

I told him I did pay per click, SEO, affiliate management, the works.  He said “I’m starting up this project…” and was hoping for some advice.

I really don’t mind when people ask me this stuff.  At a bar or party, I really don’t like to talk business, but if I’m someplace casual and someone has a question, I’m happy to help out.

He told me it was a subscription website.

Fair enough.  I asked what kind.

“Umm…. It’s exports.”  That sounded a little odd.

“What kind of exports?”

“Umm…. pinto beans.”  Ok, that confirmed it.

“It’s porn, isn’t it.”

He nodded with a sheepish cringe.

I was going to say “Why didn’t you just tell me?” but the answer is obvious.  He was embarassed.  He thought I’d disapprove of his idea and think he’s a sleazy bastard for making a living posting videos of women of people engaged in X-rated behavior.

Whether I would judge him or not, is besides the point.  By holding back what he intends to be his business, he creates two very big problems for himself.

First of all, if I think he’s running a bean export membership site (is that even possible??), what kind of advice do you think I’m going to give him?  Tips on finding good bean clients, etc.

Even if he dressed it up a little better and said he was running a comedy video membership site, there would be some huge differences in my marketing advice.  The search engines (Google, Yahoo), advertising networks, and general population treat pornography very different from G-rated businesses, so his strategy would have be handled differently.

If you’re going to talk to people about your business, especially when seeking advice, you have to be very specific in explaining what you’re trying to accomplish.  A lot of people try to guard their business idea from being stolen, and that results in them getting either overly-general or outright bad advice.  While good ideas are copied from time to time, there are very few people who will go through the trouble of trying to build your business idea.  The promise of money is a great motivator but it’s not enough to make someone go through the struggles and hassles of creating a business from the ground up.  You need the passion behind it to see it to the end, and if someone hears your whole plan and says “Wow, why didn’t I think of that?” there’s little chance they’ll drop everything and spend the next 3-5 years copying your idea.

(EXCEPTION: If you have a domain name idea, don’t tell anyone but your closest friends, because that just takes $10 dollars to register)

But back to the main issue… his embarrassment discussing his porn site.

It’s not only that hiding the true nature of the site kept me from giving proper advice (which in this case, was to let him know I didn’t know the specifics of the industry).

What does it say about your belief in your business if you find your project embarrassing?  If you think your business provides value for your customers, is ethically run, and is a successful piece of work, then there’s no reason why you should hesitate to proudly say what you do for a living.

There is room for discretion, of course, as the very mention of some professions can be inappropriate for a social event.  If you’re a rape victim counselor and at a wedding, you’re probably better off just saying you’re a therapist.  If you run a porn site and are at a church, it may make sense to talk about something else.

However, among bars, coffee shops, and informal social gatherings, your should let your entrepreneurial light shine.  If someone doesn’t like what you do, that’s fine, and you don’t need to discuss your business with someone who cringes at the very mention of it.  However, there’s no reason to hide what you do for a living if it’s legal, ethical, and provides value.

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